Hotels Part Five: Freebies and Fun

You know it’s a special moment when the man in the family notices the soap in the hotel.   Guys don’t care about soap, or how it smells.    Except for Irish Spring.   Guys are allowed to extol that one because it’s a “man’s soap.”

So at risk to my masculinity, I have to say that at a stop a few years back at LaQuinta (I think) I couldn’t help but notice the soap was  a little nicer than what one normally receives.    As luck would have it, there was a manufacturer credit given to Dial Soap.   A quick call or e-mail and I would have this product in our home; or at least know where to purchase.

It was not to be.   The product they give out in hotels is manufactured entirely for the hospitality industry.   There is no corresponding product sold at retail.

Okay.   Let’s think about this.   You’ve got an opportunity to place a product sample in every hotel room.   You’ve got tourists — people with much disposable income — who are indeed going to use your product, and use it at a time where every vacation memory will be indellibly etched in memory.   And — this is the really big one — the hotel chain is willing to pay you to give out that product sample.

And then, you fumble the ball badly by not having that product, or anything like it, available through the retail system.    I couldn’t believe it.

But then I got thinking.  If the Dial Soap people don’t want to it right, perhaps there are other manufacturers — not necessarily just of health and beauty aid products — who would be willing to place product samples in hotel rooms.

What if each chain had a different “gift basket” and you knew when you checked in that it was waiting for you (so local operators and housekeepers couldn’t skim off the samples for their families) and these were relatively the same across each chain, with a few regional disparities to make it interesting?

What if some of the money spent on advertising and some of the product samples that already exist were diverted to the hotel/motel industry and its customers?   What if the products in a single-bed room were different than the products in a double room or suite that rents to families?

Best of all, what if it worked?   What if instead of paying for supplies, hotels and motels found that companies were so willing to get what the entertainment industry calls “product placement,” that they were willing to pay them a small fee to see that a “travel basket” contained their products?   And — dare I dream this — the hotels and motels passed some of the savings on to the weary traveler?

Besides, the freebies would make travel a lot more fun.    I should want to return that hotel the next time around.

Pictured:  One of dozens of personal collections of hotel soap photographed and posted to the internet.   Okay…  Personally I use the soap; I have enough collections of other things.    This one is a classic, though.

Hotels Part Four: Days Inn

In writing this series of Hotel posts, I really felt that Days Inn deserved its own separate piece.

The problem here is one of branding.    There are three different Days Inn out there–

• the new modern ones built in the last few years
• the older but still nice downtown ones
• the ones that the chain should be ashamed to have wear their name

–and if you’re planning ahead or booking ahead, you don’t necessarily know what kind you’re getting until you arrive.

In Nashville, TN; someone had been shot at our motel the night before.   Of course we learned that elsewhere.   The pool was full of cigarette butts.   The “guests” (term used loosely) would sit outside and flick their cigarettes into the pool from the second floor balcony.

We were constantly being asked to move our car because they were paving the parking lot, which means we had to be careful not to track tar into our car.   (They should have shut down for the latter, if not the other reasons.)

I should add that there was no indication that this was a dangerous area; in fact it was just a few miles from the Opryland Hotel, which goes for $229 a night.

The Days Inn on I-77 in Charlotte, NC more recently was a real piece of work.   The door to our room didn’t remotely fit the frame.   Whereas we stuffed towels into the door at the Courtyard Inn, we would be stuffing blankets and bedspreads into this one to close the gap, especially considering it was an outside hallway with the temperature forecast to go below freezing.

The phone didn’t work.   I could phone the front desk, but not get an outside line.   I had a phone call that was time sensitive that I had to make.   They replaced the phone set, but with the same result:  Internal calls, yes; outside line, no.    So I was told I could use the phone in the lobby.    Except there was no phone in the lobby, just the switchboard handset.    They put an incoming call on hold and passed me the handset.    No go.   I was facing a 32-number credit card access and at least a ten minute conversation.   They did not understand this.   I had to go to the 7-11 across the road, in the rain, and in the cold to make a phone call.    In a not nice neighborhood.

The coat rack was falling off the wall.    One of the electrical outlets had been partially covered over by a wall.  (See photograph.)  Finally, my wife was handed a $5 bill — hush money — as we were moved to another room across from a noisy staircase.    But still better than what we originally were given.

When you see a warning sign like the one in the lobby (see photograph), saying you can’t get your money back after 20 minutes, you know you’re in trouble.     In future, we just won’t take a chance on Days Inn no matter which of the three formats is presented.

Because any chain that would allow their name to be attached to this sort of nonsense isn’t worth of existing, let alone having our business.

BTW, I do feel sorry for the staff caught in the middle in these situations.   The girl who served us, obviously a recent arrival in the USA from somewhere else, admitted she had no experience at all being a guest in such a facility.   She had no idea how things are supposed to work.   That is such a telling, critical factor.

Hotels Part Three: The Law of Diminishing Returns

I don’t know why this is true, but the more you pay to spend the night in a hotel, the less you receive.

On our trip to Florida two years ago, we stayed at AmeriSuites.  (Are they still around?)   The room they gave us was an absolutely breathtaking suite overlooking the pool until we noticed — within about five seconds — the unmistakable smell of natural gas.   I have a nose for the stuff, and we live in a country where natural gas is the order of the day, so trust me, it’s not intended to be leaking out of the pipes at that rate.  It was also true of the sister hotel across the parking lot.   Pity the man who stands next to the pipe some day to enjoy a smoke.    I mentioned this to the manager of both properties, but got that, “Yeah, whadda you know?” look.

I heard a story on Monday about a couple who saved for years for a trip to Hawaii only to be given a walkout room next to the garbage dumpsters.   “I saved a lifetime for this trip;” the woman told the front desk, “and I’m not spending it in that room.”    Good for her.   But later that day, somebody else probably paid top dollar for it.

The most expensive room on our trip was nice in one respect, and the worst in others.   At Country Inn and Suites in Buckhead, GA; the sensors on the elevator weren’t working, so that when the doors decided they were closing, they closed.   I was lucky to escape with my life on two occasions.    On the last day we had to make our own beds.   Each night we had to stuff the door with towels because the door didn’t fit the frame.    They ran out of coffee in the lobby constantly, and they ran out of regular coffee for the in-room coffee machines.   We phoned from the subway for the shuttle bus only to still be waiting 30 minutes later.   No apology.   Most times we ended up walking the four blocks to the subway anyway.

But at least they had breakfast.    In Washington, DC, a few months earlier, our hotel didn’t provide breakfast, which seems to be a staple of mid-price properties but not the more upscale ones.   Of course, at that place, intimidation was also the order of the day, so for our final night we were happy to find something cheaper — and better — a few blocks away.    Their subway shuttle actually worked, too.

But while this law is true when price comparing between hotels; it’s also true when price comparing within hotels.   The walk-in, last minute guy who is being charged top price is often receiving the worst room and the worst service.     I’ve actually been on both sides of this equation so I also know what it’s like to be the guy getting the preferred rate, and coming out much better in every other respect compared to the person paying more.

There’s no justice, no equity, no fairness.

The secret:  Find a mid-price chain or two that works for you, and avoid conversations with other guests about rates paid.

Hotels Part Two: Sorry, We’re Full

During the 1980s, I would frequent Los Angeles on a regular basis.  Part of my routine was to get tickets for television shows (they’re free) and then line up to get to see some of my favorites taped live before a studio audience.

Unless you lined up early, you didn’t get in, even if you had tickets.   Fortunately, I understood this principle.    The problem is, actors would rather play to a full house than to play to a 2/3rds house of people who really know their work and are “into” the show in question.

So the solution is found in bus tours.   Some of these people, I swear, don’t even own a television; but they are herded into the bleacher seating, all the while asking, “Where are we?   What show is this?  Why are we here?”    Friends and families of the actors fill up some prime seats and provide some of the laughter — if it’s a comedy — the producers need, while the bus tour people simply create the dynamics of a full house, and little more.

It’s the same in hotels.   Owners would rather have a sold out, full house than a 2/3rds full house of ideal customers.    So they turn to the same source of supply:  Bus tours.    Usually these consist of seniors with special needs, school groups who aren’t afraid to trash the place, and sports teams who want to stay up all night shouting, slamming doors and playing loud music.

But it’s revenue.

They say that bus tour operators choose their hotels and restaurants on the basis of bus parking.    Maybe that’s a key if you’re trying to avoid them; find a place that can only squeeze in cars and vans.   But ultimately, there’s no avoiding them.

Maybe, some day, there will be a reasonably priced hotel or motel chain that caters to the average family or individual traveler.

Nah.   There’s no money in it.

I love today’s picture; somehow the photographer managed to capture everything that’s drab and nondescript about the travel experience.   (At least paint the doors different colors, okay?)

By the way, at about the 80-85% full level, most hotels totally lose the ability to serve their guests efficiently or effectively.